Rage

That is the exact emotion I feel...Rage.

I let him string me along, and no matter how many times I told myself that he is leaving anyways and not to believe that we still have a chance, I still believed and let him fool me.

I let him take the best of of me, time and time again. I confronted him today. Told him to basically make a choice and figure out if he really wants me. Stop stringing me along.

He became defensive, because how is he supposed to know what it is he feels?

So I decided for him. It's over.

And I'm mad.

Now what? What the hell am I supposed to do now?

My kids had no reaction to the news. "Daddy is gone, and I don't think he's coming back."

"Oh, okay. I'm hungry," was their response.

One friend of mine made a comment today that resonated a lot with me. She told her ex... and sorry if I get the wording wrong...."You are the best thing that never happened to me."

Again, sorry if I got that wrong. But somewhere along those lines her intentions were very clear. She was able to move on.

I want to move on now more than ever. I don't want to become a whore and sleep around, I want to find that damn connection that movies try so hard to sell to me.

I love my movies and books.... but sometimes, Fuck! I feel brainwashed as I wait for my own Edward Cullen to come and declare his undying love to me, even if he wants to kill me, too. Where is my own Noah building our future home and waiting for me to get my shit straight and my head out of this funk.

Damn you Hollywood.